an autumn wednesday afternoon

  

the black, small stars and hearts she drew on my hand like tattoos
clothes cover most of my body 
except from my hands, neck to my head
my figure is hidden away 
I do not adjust to watching eyes as none can be found around me
wet wednesdays where students hurry to their classes, heads down
forced to bow before the rain that can’t be ignored 
smoke comes from the newly boiled water as i make the sweet-smelling coffee for my mother
when the world of people falls quiet, i am not left alone
instead, the world of beings which move without voice keep me company
rain falls
trees and bushes sway with the wind
the leaves of our pumpkin garden flutter as raindrops hit 
continuing to move yet remaining in place under a melancholic blanket of grey & white
maybe that’s why i find safety in them
unlike people, they do not stray away
they do not oppress the natural gifts of the world
slow waves of music drift towards me as i write all that I can sense
an attempt at reaching and keeping this memory in my clasps, to never let it go 
this image and present that I am in, I want to stay like this forever. 
my wish to rewind this time of gentleness
no blare of noises nor the disruption of human activity
in this present, i am at peace with myself and the world 
my anger is quiet as it rests in slumber 
my joy, far in the distance, like an actor 
staying backstage as it knows now is not its cue 
when neither my anger or joy come into the spotlight, apathy takes over 
apathy is my comfort
i have denied this too many times but i cannot help it if this is what I grew with
each time the familiar face of heavy pain passes by me, the embrace of apathy has always been there 
it is the closest thing to medicine 
it does not heal me but it releases my heart from this invisible and evil fist which tightens around it 
it does not heal me but it gathers my breath and leads it to flow back into my aching lungs 
it does not heal me but it has always been there, soft touches which revive me when no one else could 
when i was left on the ground, lying lifeless in the tears pooling around me 
as i mourn the death of my innocence


poem by niña for her debut on the blog!!!!!!!!

🌃🌟🌧


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